


Fish Out of Water

by Starlight1395



Series: Requests From You [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: College AU, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD coping, platonic Chan/Felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-26 21:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16689199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight1395/pseuds/Starlight1395
Summary: At age four, Felix almost drowned.He didn't let anyone know because he was an adult. He was in college and he should be over it... right? His friends play a prank on him and they realized quickly why Felix never went to a swim meet, and then Felix disappeared for summer.When he came back, he was terrified that everyone would hate him. Thankfully, however, his friends were more than willing to help him and love him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a request from user isydbest!

“Felix, what are you waiting for?” Chris called to the younger boy, who stood nervously at the edge of the pool. The older boy was swimming freely, showing off what he learned at his swimming lessons. He was only seven, but he was like a fish in water.

Felix, who was only four, was not so graceful. His mom usually put him in swimmies before letting him anywhere near the pool, but Chris’ parents were babysitting him and they didn’t know the two boys were out by the pool at all.

“I don’t know Chris…” he hesitated. “I don’t know how to swim good.”

“It’s okay, I’ll teach ya!” Chris smiled up at Felix from his inner tube. Felix looked at his friend’s face and felt himself relax. Chris wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him. Chris takes care of him.

Felix giggled and sat on the edge of the pool before letting himself slip in. Instantly, he was completely underwater. His feet kicked wildly but there was nothing to push him off of. The bottom of the pool was nowhere to be found.

He panicked and tried to scream, but as the water filled his lungs he realized something was wrong. Where was Chris? What was happening?

He vaguely remembered how Chris would swim and tried to copy it, but his little hands did nothing to propel him through the water. He felt very, very heavy as he started to sink to the bottom of the pool.

There was a splash and he was suddenly moving quickly. His head breached the water and he gasped. He coughed so hard that pool water flooded out of his chest onto the ground. He heard yelling around him, but he was in pain. His lungs were burning and he just kept throwing up the bitter chlorinated water.

“Felix? Wake up!” It sounded like Chris, but he was crying. “Wake up please!”

The last thing he remembered was the distant sound of sirens before he passed out.

* * *

  
“Felix-ah! You’re going to be late!” Hyungjin called out to his dormmate. Felix rolled over and groaned. Maybe following Chris to Korea for college was a mistake, he mused silently. He had been so excited to go to a new country that he stayed up almost every night for a month to cram Korean lessons before he graduated, and sure Chris was excited to see him but sometimes he just wanted the familiarity of home.

“I’m going to drop out.” He groaned in English, too tired to actually get out of bed.

“Chan hyung is gonna scold you if you’re late again.” His friend said as he slipped his shoes on.

That was another thing he still wasn’t used to. He had only been in Korea itself for a couple months and he wasn’t used to calling his childhood friend by his Korean name, nor was he comfortable with the honorific system yet.

He really was trying though.

“I’m coming…” He muttered, physically rolling out of bed and pulling on the first pair of jeans he found. Judging by the fit, they weren’t his, but he wasn’t going to take the time to change. He slipped on his shoes, grabbed his bag and raced after Hyungjin.

The walk to campus was nice. It was close to the dorms, and the weather was warm for the moment. He knew it was going to get cold quickly, so he was going to savor the warmth while he could. It reminded him of home.

“I thought you were going to be late again!” Chan grinned at his younger friends.

“We almost were.” Hyunjin smirked and Felix looked away sheepishly.

“Again?” Chan wasn’t mad, but he did sound a little exasperated.

“Ah don’t worry hyung, I wasn’t going to be late.” He ran a hand through his hair and realized it was sticking up in every direction.

“Here.” Minho handed him a beanie.

“Thank you Minho hyung,” Felix slipped the beanie on and hugged the other boy. That was one thing he did like about Korea. He could hug his friends all he wanted and didn’t have to worry about being called out. “You’re a life saver.”

“Trust me, it’s more a favor for us than you.” Minho snickered, tugging at a stray piece of hair that was still sticking out.

“Oh hey, when does the swim meet start?” Jisung asked, turning to Chan, Changbin and Hyungjin, who looked up at the mention of swimming.

“It starts at three but we won’t be competing until almost four.” Chan said, cracking his back a little.

“I just want to go back and sleep, but I’m the only one competing in the breaststroke that’s competent.” Changbin yawned and Felix blushed a little. Despite his small stature, the australian boy knew his friend hid the kind of body that would crush the competition.

“I, uh, have a study session at three, but I’ll see if I can catch the end.” Felix said, avoiding eye contact.

“Felix, you never come…” Hyungjin pouted. “You go to everyone else’s events but you never come see me swim.”

“Make sure you study hard, yeah?” Chan intercepted, patting Felix on the back. The younger boy looked at his childhood friend and saw understanding in his eyes.

“Of course Chris.” Felix whispered, hating the anxiety that bubbled up in his chest.

He wanted to support his friends. He really did, but he couldn’t stand pools. He was fine with showers, and after a few years he was fine with baths, but whenever he saw a pool he felt his body seize up, as if there was still water in his lungs, drowning him.

“I have to get going.” he said quickly before sprinting from the group towards his class. He still had fifteen minutes, but he couldn’t handle seeing Hyungjin’s sad face anymore.

His friends watched him leave with frown. They knew something was up, but neither Chan nor Felix seemed willing to talk about it.

“Something’s going on with him.” Changbin muttered, not liking the feeling in his chest that he got anytime Felix looked panicked or cornered.

“Drop it Binnie,” Chan said, sounding suddenly serious. “It’s nothing.”

“Alright hyung…” Bin trailed off, watching at the back of Felix’s head disappeared over the hill in the distance.

* * *

  
“I came in second.” Bin ground out, digging his nails into his legs. Felix watched his hyung bounce his foot angrily. The older boy had come to his dorm and threw himself on his bed, and Felix could see tears glinting in his friend’s eyes.

Felix knew how much Changbin hated losing. Even second place, to Bin, was first loser. He prided himself in being the best, whether it be swimming, music, even academics. It almost scared Felix how much drive Changbin had to prove himself.

“I heard from Chan hyung that it was barely point three seconds of a difference,” Felix said, resting his head on Changbin’s shoulder. “Hyung, that’s less than a blink of an eye.”

“Not good enough.”

“Hyung, you need to stop being so hard on yourself,” Felix wrapped his arms around Changbin’s waist. The older boy leaned into the touch and sighed again.

“You’re amazing. I’m honestly jealous of how good at everything you are. The person who came in third was a whole second and a half after you.”

“I guess…” Changbin buried his face in Felix’s shoulder. Felix smiled, knowing he was finally able to get through to his friend, even just the slightest bit.

“Hey, want to stay here tonight? Hyungjin tends to stay late at the dance studio on Fridays, and I don’t have Saturday classes,” Felix offered, wanting to offer some comfort. “I won’t tell anyone if you wanted to share the bed again.”

“Don’t tease me.” Chagbin grinned and Felix let out a chuckle.

“Wouldn’t want people to know Mr. I Love Dark is actually a big old softie,” Felix smiled wider as he felt Changbin’s grip on his sleeve tighten. “Come on hyung. You can borrow some of my clothes.”

“Thanks Felix,” Changbin felt all the resentment in his body fade. “It’s stupid but… I feel like I can come to you with anything, you know? You always know exactly what to say.”

“Anything for you hyung.”

“And, you can do the same with me,” Changbin rested his cheek on Felix’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. “I might not be able to say the right thing all the time, but you can still come to me.” Felix hummed.

“I know hyung.”

He really did. He knew he could trust Changbin with anything, but he still felt guilty. Guilty that he could never go support him at the meets. Guity that he still couldn’t bring himself to talk about what happened. He hadn’t talked about… the accident… since his parents made him go to a therapist at age seven. Only

Chan knew, and he didn’t know how to change that.

“Goodnight Lix.”

“Night hyung.”

* * *

  
“You n-never told me you had a pool.” Felix said with a nervous smile. Jisung had invited everyone to his house during spring break to celebrate the end of midterms, and it was the first time Felix had visited the other boy’s home.

“Oh yeah! Everyone else has been here before so I forgot to tell you to bring a swimsuit.” Jisung frowned.

“He might fit into one of yours.” Seungmin suggested innocently, but Felix felt his stomach drop.

“It’s f-fine,” He said, backing away from the water. “I’m feeling kinda off anyway. I’ll just watch from here.”

“You sure hyung? Jeongin asked, looking worried. “Do you want medicine or something?”

“I’ll be fine.” Felix said again before all but running away. He ran directly into Chan, who also looked panicked.

“Lix, I’m so sorry,” he whispered to the other boy. “I completely forgot-”

“It’s alright hyung,” Felix said quickly, wanting to be even further away. Jeongin screamed as he was thrown into the water. “I’ll just stay up on the deck.”

“I’ll stay with you.” Chan offered, but Felix shook his head.

“You go have fun,” he said with a forced smile. “I told them I wasn’t feeling well.” he chuckled, but Chan was still frowning.

“That’s not fair to you,” He said, taking a seat next to his friend. “I’ll stay with you. They won’t be in there long. Knowing them, they’ll get hungry in half an hour and be too lazy to go back in. Besides, it feels like it’s been ages since we were able to talk one on one.”

“I guess…” Felix still felt bad that he was taking Chan away from his friends, but at the same time he was grateful that he didn’t have to sit alone.

“So tell me about classes,” Chan grinned, ignoring the splashing coming from behind them. “Is everything going okay?”

“Yeah, thankfully,” Felix easily fell into English. “My one professor doesn’t like to call on me because he says my accent is too thick to understand, but I didn’t like him even before that so we just silently hate each other from across the room.”

“Want me to beat him up for you?” Chan offered, staring seriously at the boy who just laughed.

“Nah, I wrote a nasty review after midterms,” Felix didn’t notice the splashing turn suspiciously silent. “It’s not too bad cuz the guy I sit next to always shares his candy and turns his captions on for netflix so we can watch together-”

Suddenly Felix was lifted into the air. He flailed his arms wildly, trying to gain his balance but there were too many hands on him. He was being carried down the steps of the deck and he could almost hear Chan calling for him.

When he realized he was being carried towards the pool, his heart started beating out of his chest. He felt his vision start to tunnel and all he could hear was a high pitched buzzing. Just before he was thrown into the water, he made eye contact with Changbin.

In that split second, Changbin saw the unfiltered horror in Felix’s eyes and realized they had made a mistake.

Felix hit the water and started panicking. Out of instinct, Felix opened his mouth to scream and the bitter water filled his mouth causing his panic to rise. He tried to flail, but his limbs felt heavy.

Just like back then, there was a loud splash and he was suddenly being carried. His head broke the water and he started coughing violently as Chan pulled him to the shallow end. Even when he would have been able to touch the bottom, Chan carried him bridal style out of the pool and placed him down on the concrete.

Chan started pressing on his chest, forcing Felix to throw up the water he had swallowed as the others watched in horror. Felix rolled over and what seemed like half the pool came out of his mouth as he coughed and gagged.

“Are you alright?” Chan asked, rubbing Felix’s back.

“I-I-” Felix was shaking so hard he couldn’t even talk.

“Come on, I’m taking you back to my place,” Chan said, wrapping a towel around the boy’s shoulders and grabbing his things from the table. “You’re okay. Nothing’s gonna hurt you Lix.”

Chan took Felix away, whispering comforts to the boy as the others watched.

“I didn’t know he couldn’t swim.” Jisung said quietly. He had been the one to suggest throwing Felix in. He said he had clothes that the other boy would fit in, and that it would just be a fun joke.

“I think it was more than that,” Changbin continued to stare in the direction that the two had left. “He wasn’t just scared because he couldn’t swim. He was terrified for some reason.”

“Maybe he almost drowned when he was a kid or something.” Minho said with a frown.

“We’ll have to ask Chan…” Woojin sounded off.

“After we make sure Felix is okay.” Hyungjin added and everyone nodded.

What had happened to Felix?

* * *

  
“Are you okay now?” Chan asked carefully. Once they got back to Chan’s apartment, the elder made sure Felix showered to get rid of the smell of chlorine, gave him some oversized clothing and made sure to thoroughly dried his hair. He made Felix tea, knowing that the warmth helped the boy focus. It had been a couple of hours and Felix had finally stopped crying. He was curled into Chan’s side, staring at the television without really seeing what was on the screen.

He nodded slowly.

“I hate this.” Felix whispered, his voice deep and hoarse.

“Hate what?” Chan held him closer.

“I hate that I’m still acting like this,” he looked close to tears again. “It’s been forever and I’m still acting like a- a fucking kid! How am I not over this? It’s… it’s just water. It’s just a pool. Why can’t I just be normal for once in my fucking life?”

“Lix love, you can’t blame yourself,” Chan tried to comfort his friend. He was a hypocrite. Even years later, he blamed himself. Even at seven he knew they weren’t supposed to be outside alone, but he just really wanted to swim. He didn’t know Felix couldn’t swim. He was just a kid at the time, and he almost killed his best friend. “If someone got bit by a dog when they were little, would you be mad at them for being afraid of dogs? Even years later?”

“I guess not…” Felix trailed off. He understood Chan’s logic, but that didn’t mean it made his own self aggravation any less.

“Come on, let’s get some sleep,” Chan stood and helped the younger boy join him. “Want to call your mom? I know how homesick you’ve been.”

“I don’t want to bother her with this.” Felix whispered, feeling like a burden. He just wanted to go back in time and never go in that pool.

Or actually drown, and prevent anything from happening.

“Alright love, I’ll grab you that blanket off the couch that you like.” Chan kissed Felix’s forehead gently. Felix smiled slightly and went to curl up in Chan’s king sized bed.

* * *

  
“Isn’t Felix coming?” Jisung asked, confused as to why they were missing a member. Chan felt his stomach drop.

“He isn’t feeling well.” He lied, knowing fully well that Felix was avoiding the others. After what happened at the pool party, the younger boy had been doing everything in his power to stay away from his friends.

“But this is the last week of classes before summer break…” Seungmin said, pouting slightly. Changbin looked between Seungmin and Chan.

“Is everything alright?” he asked the older boy once the others were out of earshot. Chan hesitated before sighing.

“What happened… really fucked him up,” Chan admitted, feeling like he was betraying Felix by talking about it. On the other hand, if anyone was going to be able to help the boy it was Changbin. “He doesn’t like people knowing because he feels… I don’t know, ashamed? But he almost died when he was younger because he fell into the pool and started to drown. Since then, he’s been afraid of large bodies of water. Pools, lakes, the ocean. Even baths used to freak him out. He’s been blaming himself because he thinks he should be over it by now… nothing I’ve been saying has gotten through to him and I’m really getting worried.”

“What can I do?” Changbin felt an arrow pierce his chest.

“I don’t… I don’t know,” Chan admitted, feeling defeated. “I overheard him talking to his mom about going home for the summer.”

“What? Wasn’t he supposed to stay with you?” Changbin said quickly. Even though he had only met the other boy a few months prior - when Felix had first moved to Korea and Chan introduced him to everyone before classes started - the thought of not seeing his ball of sunshine for three months made his stomach drop.

“That was the plan, but he really wants to go back for the break.” Chan ran a hand through his hair.

“I don’t want him to go…” Changbin muttered without meaning to.

“I don’t either, but we can’t make his decisions for him.”

“What do we do then?”

“Whatever we can to let him know we care.”

* * *

  
“Are you sure you’re okay to go back?” Felix’s mom looked her son over. The summer had flew by in the blink of an eye, and the boy was getting ready to get on a flight back to Korea for the new semester. His mother was hestitant to let him go, especially after she heard what had happened, but Felix insisted.

“Yeah, I need things to go back to normal,” He said, smiling reassuringly at her. She kissed his cheek before hugging him tightly and letting him go to his gate. He sent Chan a quick text saying that he was about to board and turned his phone off.

Over the summer, Felix had kept in touch with Chan only and even that communication was limited to a handful of texts a week. He felt like he had run away, and the longer he didn’t contact anyone, the guiltier he felt until he honestly believed they wouldn’t want to talk to him even if he did reach out.

He let himself fall into a dreamless sleep as soon as the plane was in the air, anxiety keeping his stomach from fully calming down.

He was a coward, running away from his problems. That’s all he had ever been. He was a coward for not going to therapy and letting things get as bad as they did, and he was a coward for ruining some of the most important relationships in his life.

The plane landed and Felix almost wished for another dely so that he wouldn’t have to see Chan, who was already waiting for him. He didn’t even need a phone to know the older boy had probably been waiting for the last hour, just to make sure he wouldn’t miss the flight coming in. That’s just the kind of friend that Chan was. One that Felix didn’t deserve.

With heavy feet, Felix walked off the plane and collected his bags. His mom had mailed some of his things to Chan already, who was putting everything in the spare room in his apartment, which was still set up for Felix.

“Felix!” A familiar voice called as soon as he got his luggage. He felt his stomach drop, but as soon as warm arms were wrapped around him and the comfort that only Chan could give him was surrounding him, he relaxed. “It’s been too long mate.” Chan said as he buried his nose in the younger boy’s hair.

“I’ve missed you Chris.” Felix realised he was tearing up. He knew he missed his friends, but being close to them again opened a floodgate he didn’t even know he had.

“Come on, the others are waiting for us.” Chan guided Felix from the airport. The entire ride back, Chan filled the car with stories from the summer and Felix was more than happy to listen.

“Hey,” The sudden shift in Chan’s voice caught the other boy’s attention. He looked over to him, taking in Can’s profile. Chan didn’t look away from the road as he drove. “If… if there’s anything you want to talk about before we get there, you don’t have to hold it back. I know it might be hard talking in front of everyone, but right now it’s just the two of us.”

“Do you think they’ll hate me?” Felix whispered, sinking in his seat a little.

“Why would they hate you?” Chan asked, surprised that the younger could ever think that.

“I disappeared,” Felix said, the same anxiety that ate away at him the entire summer was back and pressing on his chest, making it hard to take a breath. “I left and didn’t talk to anyone but you… they probably think I’m an asshole…”

“Felix…” Chan’s heart broke a little. The only thing the others thought was that they wanted to make it up to their friend. They would be heartbroken to know that Felix was expecting them to hate him. “They’ve all been asking about you, you know.”

“I just… I felt so guilty that I reacted like that and then time kept going and I felt guilty for not talking to anyone and it kept snowballing until I couldn’t even get out of bed… my mom threatened to take me to a therapist again if I didn’t get out of bed and shower and eat… I don’t know what happened. I just… shut down… moving was too hard. Just breathing made me exhausted but no matter how much I slept I would wake up even more tired..”

“Felix, it’s okay,” Chan’s heartbreak turned into a heart shatter. He knew his friend had depression, even if Felix himself never realized it himself, but hearing it out loud hurt the older boy. “Trust me. No one hates you. They all missed you a lot, and are really excited to see you again.”

“I’m sorry.” Felix said again, looking out the window.

“We’re almost there, okay?”

“Okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Welcome back!” The room exploded the second the door opened. Seven boys were crammed into Chan’s two room apartment, just waiting for their last two members to join them. Felix took a step back, almost hiding behind Chan.

“We’ve missed you!” Jisung rushed forward and hugged Felix. Chan used it as an opportunity to slip into the apartment and let Felix face the love of his friends without a barrier.

Felix froze as soon as Jisung’s arms wrapped around him and didn’t relax until after the other boy moved away.

“I’m back everyone.” Felix said awkwardly, almost as if he was afraid to make eye contact with anyone.

“The food just arrived,” Woojin cut in, easily noticing the tension radiating from the other boy. “Let’s go dish it out and eat!”

There was a collective cheer as they made their way into the kitchen. Felix held back, feeling like an outsider at his own welcome home party.

“It’s good to see you again,” Changbin said. Felix hadn’t even realized the other boy had stayed behind as well. “The others aren’t as fun as you.”

“I…” he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Changbin, who didn’t hesitate to return the hug. “I’ve missed you.”

Felix felt himself crying into Changbin’s shoulder. He didn’t want to cry, but he felt all the anxiety crushing him disappear. Something about Bin being close to him made everything feel… right again.

“Welcome home Lix.” Bin rested his forehead against Felix’s and smiled.

“Stop making out and get your damn food!” Seungmin yelled from the kitchen. Felix started to pull away but Bin didn’t let the other boy leave. His grin just widened.

“We’ll be there in a second!” He called back, not taking his eyes from Felix. The younger boy blushed bright and he felt his own grin widen.

“What are you doing hyung?” Felix whispered.

“Hopefully kissing you in a second, if you’ll let me.” Changbin smirked and Felix’s blush went to his hairline.

“O-oh okay,” Felix stuttered. When he saw Bin quirk an eyebrow he stuttered again. “I m-mean, yeah I’d like that.”

Changbin chuckled and leaned in. He pressed his lips against Felix’s and his heart skipped a beat. He had been wishing to find the courage to kiss the other boy since the first day Felix was late and came sprinting up to them with crazy bed head and a sleepy smile. Felix leaned in more, smiling against the kiss. Felix was right. Changbin made him feel at home.

“About time.” Jeongin said as he walked through the living room, his mouth stuffed with take out.

“Don’t tease them!” Woojin scolded from the other room. “It took long enough there’s no need to embarrass them.”

“Hyung…” Felix whined but didn’t pull away.

“Here, eat up,” Chan handed Felix a plate with a smile. “Time to party.”

Felix took the plate with a shy smile and sat on the couch. A moment later Changbin sat next to him. Things fell into a steady flow, with one person or another screaming about something at any given moment. After everyone ate, they cleared the furniture from the middle of the room and Chan brought out a bag.

“I know we try to keep you kids in line,” He started, placing the bag on the ground. The sound of clinking glass caught everyone’s attention. “But since the semester is starting soon and we finally have our ninth member back, I think it’s okay to let loose tonight.”

He started pulling out familiar green bottles and the room exploded. Felix grinned when he realized that yeah, all nine members of their group were finally together. Now that he, Jisung, Seungmin and Hyungin were sophomores, Changbin and Minho were juniors, Woojin and Chan were seniors and little Jeongin was starting his freshman year, they were all finally together at college.

Chan passed around the soju with a grin on his face. He took the first shot, but Felix noticed how he put his bottle aside directly after. Chan was always the most responsible one in their little group.

Felix took his bottle and sniffed it curiously. He had never really gotten drunk before. The most he had was a few sips of his mom’s wine, but this was a new ball game. He took a sip and instantly gagged. He looked up and saw Hyungjin drinking like it was water, and Felix felt a mix of respect and horror.

“Not a fan?” Bin asked, noticing the grimace on the other boy’s face.

“Never tried it.” He answered honestly, taking another small sip and immediately regretting it.

“It gets less awful the more you drink it,” Bin snickered a little. “But I can get you something to mix it with?”

“Can you?” Felix looked at the other boy hopefully.

“Yeah,” Changbin grinned and stood, holding his hand out. “Come on, there’s gotta be something in Chan’s kitchen that we can mix it with.”

Felix took his hand and followed after the older boy into the kitchen, that looked like a bomb as gone off in it. The trashcan was overflowing with takeout containers and the counters were a mess with plates and cups. Felix watched as Changbin dug through the fridge, smiling softly to himself.

“How does he only have orange juice?” Changbin asked as he closed the door and walked over to the table. He managed to find a clean cup and filled it halfway with juice, and the rest with the soju. “Here, try this. It’s not going to taste exactly like juice but it’s better than drinking it straight from the bottle.”

Felix took the cup with a muttered thank you and took a sip. Binnie was right. It was still bitter, but the orange definitely made it easier to drink. He took another sip and smiled.

“Thanks hyung.” Felix said, a warm feeling growing in his chest.

“No problem Lix.” Bin smiled back, but it was soft and it made Felix’s heart flutter. He tried to hide the feeling with a gulp of his drink, which lead to another and another. Bin giggled and led them back to the living room where the others had already started playing a drinking game. Changbin and Felix settled into the circle without any fuss, Felix sitting in Changin’s lap and pressing his back against the older boy’s chest. He could feel Bin’s heartbeat and that mixed with the slight buzz he already had from gulping down his drink made Felix’s head spin a little.

Changbin was right about that too. He finished his drink without tasting the bitterness and went to refill it, barely noticing how the room seemed to tilt the smallest bit.

“You alright?” Changbin followed him into the kitchen.

“Yeah, just getting another drink.” He responded happily. He put the rest of the bottle of soju into the cup and filled the rest with juice. He grimaced a little at the taste because this one was stronger than the last, but after two more sips the burn lessened.

“Hey, can I kiss you again?” Changbin asked suddenly, causing Felix to choke on his drink a little.

“You don’t have to ask hyung,” Felix felt more confident than usual. “You can kiss me whenever you want… I want you to kiss me whenever you want.”

Changbin flushed and closed the distance between them in two steps. His lips tasted like soju and the noodles they had for dinner but they were soft and they were Binnie and they were perfect to Felix.

“Lixie! Come back!” Jisung whined, his words slurring some.

“Coming!” Felix called back and took Changbin’s hand in his free one, pulling them both towards the living room. They took their seat in the circle and suddenly all eyes were on Felix.

“Felix-ah! We really missed you,” Minho was on the boy’s other side and started nuzzling Felix’s neck. He didn’t know if he should gently push his friend away, or if it even mattered when they were all drunk. “Why’d ya leave Lix? Why’d ya leave ya hyungs behind? It wasn’t very nice…” Minho pouted as he tried to get Felix to hold him. The younger boy would have, if there hadn’t been another person in his arms already. Felix blinked at the questions.

“I-”

“You don’t have to tell them Lix,” Chan said softly. He was the only one that seemed completely sober. “There’s no pressure.”

“It’s fine hyung,” Felix said, his throat suddenly feeling dry. He looked down and stared at his hands as he started to talk. “Um, when I was younger, I almost drowned. I was real little, like… four? I think? Anyway, it really messed me up. I was terrified of water after that. I couldn’t even take a bath because I used to think I would drown again. My parents made me see a therapist when I was a little older - three or four years after it happened. It worked a little, but I still can’t go near pools or the ocean or anything. Deep water freaks me out because I… I feel so vulnerable. Like, one wrong step and I’m dead, you know? I never liked talking about it because it made me feel like I was drowning on air? That doesn’t make sense… um, I would panic cuz talking about it made the bad memories come up… Chris is the only one who knows cuz he was there… but yeah. I freaked out and went home and felt guilty for not talking to anyone and then I’d feel even guilter cuz I was being a shitty person…” Felix refused to look anyone in the eye.  
The others were horrified. They figured something had to have happened in Felix’s childhood that would make him freak out like that, but they had no idea the extent of it. If they had known that Felix was isolating himself because of the guilt, they would have tried harder to reach out but they just thought he needed some space.

“Lix, we’re so sorry.” Changbin whispered once he found his voice again. Felix pulled him into his chest.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to apologize,” Felix smiled, almost ruefully. “You didn’t know. It’s my fault for not being over it yet-”

“That’s not how this works,” Bin cut him off, making everyone jump a little. Changbin took a breath and spoke again. “That’s… you can’t blame yourself. This isn’t your fault either.”

“Really hyung, it’s alright…” Felix looked sheepish as he sipped at his drink.

“No, it’s not alright,” Changbin turned and took Felix’s cheeks in his hands. The older boy’s head was spinning a little bit he refused to let Felix think that way. “You… you don’t want us to blame ourselves because we didn’t know, right?” He waited for Felix to nod before continuing. “Well, we won’t blame ourselves if you don’t blame yourself. You can’t- you can’t control the way you feel… or what you’re scared of… I know I’d be terrified if the same thing happened to me.”

“Alright hyung,” Felix said softly, taking Changbin’s hands from his cheeks and holding them. “You have a deal. No one is blaming anyone anymore.”

“Good.” Changbin blushed as he stared into Felix’s eyes.

“If you’re gonna fuck, do it in Felix hyung’s room - not here.” Jeongin’s voice cut through the moment and everyone started laughing, except for Felix and Changbin - who were blushing and looking at anything but each other - and Chan who was scolding the youngest for being so vulgar.

“I wouldn’t mind that, honestly.” Felix said with a yawn. Changbin’s eyes flew open even wider as he stared at the younger boy in surprise.

“You want to…?” The older boy trailed off, the shock in his system sobering him up pretty quickly. Felix just pouted.

“You’re as bad as Jeongin, hyung,” Felix whined, feeling dizzy. “I wanna sleep with you.”

“Th-that’s not any b-better.” if he had been a cartoon character, his eyes would be swirling with confusion.

“Hyuuuung,” Felix tugged on his arm. “Don’t be dirty…”

“Yeah, that’s Minho hyung’s job.” Jisung snickered and the boy in question slung an arm over Jisung’s shoulders.

“What, you don’t like it?” Minho asked the younger rapper, whose cheeks flushed even more at the sudden attention. “Want hyung to stop?”

“I never said that…” He muttered, looking at the ground with a faint scowl.

“That’s what I thought.” Minho grinned slyly before placing a drunken kiss on Jisung’s cheek, and the younger boy flushed from head to toe.

“Binnie hyung,” Felix pulled Changbin’s attention back to him. “Sleep with me? You can wear my stuff and- and I promise not to hog the blanket.”

“Oh, you meant- of course Lix,” Changbin smiled but his blush didn’t go away. “Let’s get some sleep.”

“We’ll try to keep it down,” Chan said with a fond smile. “It looks like we’re about ready to crash too.”

“Night Chris,” Felix said with another yawn. “Night everyone.”

A chorus of goodnights followed after him as he and Changbin went to the spare room that had his boxes - still packed up - laying around. They quickly changed and settled into the bed, facing each other with their arms around the other’s waist.

“Goodnight hyung.” Felix breathed as he rested his nose on Changbin’s collarbone.

“Night Lixie.” Changbin smiled fondly and kissed the boy’s forehead. He felt the moment that Felix’s breathing evened out, and finally let himself fall asleep.

* * *

  
“Where are we going?” Felix asked with a smile. The fall semester ended without any problems, and they were planning on spending the winter break together to make up for the time they lost during summer.

“You’ll see.” Changbin smirked, excited to be able to surprise his boyfriend. The past three months, Felix had been the one to surprise him and to think of cute couple things while Bine was always one step behind with the romance aspect. This time, however, it was his turn to be the cute one in the relationship.

Changbin felt a little bad. The others had invited him and Felix to go ice skating on a lake Jeongin and his friends always used to skate on, but Bin had better plans. He knew of a little grove in the woods where thow would have fallen perfectly. He knew Felix would love it, knew he would get to see his favorite sight - Felix’ eyes wide and sparkling with wonder.

“How much longer?” Felix asked, excited and impatient.

“Just past here.” Changbin said, his own excitement growing as he watched Felix start to jump from foot to foot. As they walked closer to the clearing, they heard shouts. Changbin, curious as he is, walked past the entrance to the clearing and towards the shouting.

“Is that…?” Felix didn’t have to finish his sentence as they saw who as making the noise. It was the rest of their group, skating on a small pond. Someone had cleared the snow off the ice and from around the pond to give them a place to sit.

Jisung and Minho were on the ice, skating around each other. Chan, Woojin and Seungmin were lacing up their own skates on the side, laughing as the Jisung fell and slammed his butt on the ice. Hyungjin and Jeongin were sitting on a blanket, cradling hot cups in their hands, blankets wrapped around their shoulders as they chuckled along with the others.

“Hey! I thought you couldn’t make it!” Hyungjin was the first to spot the two.

“I was taking Felix on a date, but I didn’t know we were going to be so close together.” Changbin laughed, marveling at the odds of it all happening.

“We don’t have any extra skates, but you can borrow mine after we’re done.” Minho called over.

“I’m going to show Felix what I planned and when we’re done we can come back and hang out.” He took Felix’s hand, trying to warm his boyfriend’s smaller fingers between his own. Felix felt like blushing, but the flush from the cold was covering any embarrassment. He smiled at Bin as the older boy started to tug him away, back in the direction they came.

Just as they turned their backs to the pond, there was the sound of cracking and a loud splash.

Everything seemed to freeze.

Felix spun around. Minho was staring at the hole in the ice where Jisung had just been. Everyone on the shore seemed to be moving in slow motion as they raced towards the pond. Felix’s body reacted, sprinting forward. He reached the ice just as Changbin yanked on his arm, keeping him from the water. He swung his head around to stare at the older boy as he tried to tug his arm away as Chan dove into the water. Moments later - though it seemed like an eternity - Chan’s head popped up out of the hole in the ice.  
Woojin raced over and carefully helped him pull Jisung out of the water and onto solid ground. Jeongin was on the phone, talking rapidly to who Felix could only assume was the paramedics. He was trying to explain the way to the pond.

“Felix, what are you thinking?” Changbin’s voice seemed to break the spell. Time returned to normal and everyone was rushing around. Felix fell back, the snow melting and seeping into his pants the instant he hit the ground. “You can’t swim! Why would you try to jump in?”

“Jisung…” Felix stared at his friend, who was soaking wet and shivering, his lips turning blue as the others tried to keep him warm. The sound of sirens was heard echoing through the trees. Jeongin must have been able to tell them exactly how to get to the pond.

“He’s going to be okay.” Changbin said, his voice shaking.

People in uniforms flooded the clearing, instantly going to Chan and Jisung, who were starting to look as pale as the snow around them. Felix buried his face in Changbin’s neck and cried, his tears freezing to his cheeks as they fell.

* * *

  
“You’re stupid.” Was the first thing Jisung said to Felix. Both Chan and Jisung were admitted to the hospital, to monitor them and make sure they didn’t have hypothermia. Despite their insistence, they got different rooms which meant the others had to split their time between the two boys.

Felix had stayed with Chan first, knowing his friend was going to be disoriented when he woke up and would want some comfort. By the time he made it to Jisung’s room, someone else had filled the boy in on what had happened after he broke through the ice.

“Glad to see you’re feeling better.” Felix smiled a little.

“You’re an idiot,” Jisung frowned. The color was back in his face, which was pinched in irritation. “Woojin hyung told me you tried to jump in after me! Like an idiot!”

“Sorry… I panicked….” Felix looked down, feeling thoroughly scolded.

“Idiot… you could have drowned…” Jisung trailed off, his words getting heavy with the unshed tears.

“I just saw you gone and needed to do something…”

“You were willing to dive into a frozen pond for me…” Jisung started crying. “You dummy…”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Felix took Jisung’s hand.

“What would we do if something happened to you?” Jisung mumbled, wiping his face with his free hand.

“Well, good thing we don’t have to worry about that.” Feix grinned, and Jisung couldn’t help but return it.

* * *

  
  
“Bang, Christopher.” The dean said into the microphone. Felix jumped to his feet and cheered as his friend stood and walked to get his diploma. Chan was grinning from ear to ear, his dimples visible from the stage. He shook the hands of the professors on stage, giving his one teacher a big hug before going back to his seat.“Yeah hyung!” he cheered, clapping and calling down. Chan turned and spotted them in the crowd, grinning and waving before sitting back down.

“I can’t believe they’re graduating.” Changbin said next to Felix, who hummed in response. Their last semester together flew by and before they knew it, the three oldest of their friend group were getting ready to move on with their lives.

“It’s not like we’re never going to see them again.” Seungmin commented.

“It won’t be the same though…” Jeongin pouted, counting how many names were between Chan’s and Woojin’s.

“Yeah, but we’re not going to let our friend group break up.” Hyungjin was scanning the sitting graduates, trying to spot the caps that he and the others had helped Woojin and Minho decorate.

“No matter what they actually want, they’re stuck with us.” Jisung snickered, folding his program into a paper airplane.

“Kim, Woojin.” The dean announced. The six boys stood and cheered again. They could see Woojin blushing from the stage, his cheeks matching the curtains on the stage. As soon as he sat down, the others did as well and fell back into their conversation.

“You’re next hyung.” Felix nudged Changbin, who looked almost distraught.

“Don’t remind me,” he groaned, closing his eyes. “I don’t have anything together. I don’t want to be an adult.”

“You always have us hyung.” Jeogin grinned and Changbin found himself smiling back.

“You’re going to do amazing hyung,” Felix said, lacing his fingers with Changbin’s. “There’s no way you won’t.”

“Speaking of amazing,” Hyungjin chimed in. “The last swim meet of the semester is tomorrow.”

“Why is it so late?” Seungmin asked, looking away from the crowd.

“We missed one because the team we were going against had to cancel, so this is like a makeup meet.” Changbin answered quickly.

“I already have a sign made.” Felix grinned and Changbin felt his heart skip a beat. Having Felix be there to see him swim definitely meant the world to Bin, and he was so proud of his boyfriend for being comfortable enough to come.

“Lee, Minho.” The dean called. They jumped to their feet again, cheering loudly. Jisung jumped the highest and cheered the loudest.

“Come on, if we sneak out now we can avoid the crowd,” Jisung whispered after Minho had back down. “We can finish decorating Chan hyung’s apartment before they get back for the party tonight.”

The six boys stood and tried to sneak out as quickly as possible. They weren’t the only ones with the idea, but they still got weird looks from the people around them. Just as they were about to leave, Felix just happened to catch Chan’s eye.

The older boy grinned and winked before turning his attention back to the stage. Felix’s hand was grabbed by a familiar one and he was tugged from the graduation ceremony towards where his friends were waiting for him and Changbin to catch up.

They turned to watch Felix and Changbin jog to reach them with smiles. As soon as the two caught up, the friends made their way to the apartment to wait for the rest of their group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of the suggestions I've gotten! I have about three more planned for now, so if you have an idea or prompt let me know! 
> 
> Writing a college AU was really nice? I guess writing them around the same age as me makes me feel closer to them haha Thank you everyone for reading! Keep an eye out for new fics cuz hopefully I'll be able to write more!

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be two chapters, so expect the next one soon!  
> A quick question: I have some requests and most of them are going to be multiple chapters. Should I write one fic all the way through before starting the next or do different chapters for different fics just to keep things fun for me?


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